Male Sexual Dysfunction

Why so many problems?

So much has been said about male sexual dysfunction that it’s hard to believe there could be a single man left in the world with a sexual problem!

However, joking aside, we all know that sexual problems are very common. We also know that there’s nothing more devastating to man’s self-esteem. After all, imagine not being able to get erect during sex. Or, being with a beautiful woman, aroused and excited, ready for intercourse, and then ejaculating before a minute or two has gone by!

woman and man failing in bed because of male sexual dysfunction

Anticipation and desire, followed by devastation! Erection fail! Premature come! No orgasm!

And then, think about the problem of men with delayed ejaculation who can’t come at all.

You know, it’s extraordinary really – the idea that a man could have sex and not be able to ejaculate.

But there you go, it’s a reality, and it happens all the time.

When I say all the time – let me be more precise. I mean it happens to about 1 man in 10 at any one time. So a lot of people are affected by this problem – men and their partners alike.

You may well be wondering what the cause of delayed ejaculation can be. Yes, this is a sexual dysfunction which seems so unusual.

In fact there can be many causes. Here are some of them.

  • Degeneration of sensitive neurons because of diabetic neuropathy or ME or MS.
  • Insensitivity of the penis due to a high and tight circumcision.

    High and tight circumcision

    High and tight circumcision

  • Keratinisation of the glans due to circumcision.

    keratinised glans

    Keratinised (circumcised) and normal glans

  • Harsh masturbation and traumatic masturbatory syndrome which renders the penis insensitive to stimulation.
  • One of the more insidious and unexpected causes is that of prescription drugs (especially SSRIs) for conditions such as anxiety or depression.

Having said that there are many drugs, prescribed for other psychological conditions, which interfere with a man’s ability to ejaculate.

On and on it goes – there are many different causes for delayed ejaculation. And then, when you’ve got through all of those possible causes, there are the psychological factors.

Some men just don’t like the partner they’re with, and don’t find her sexually arousing or attractive.

Their defense against connecting with a disliked partner renders them insensitive to sexual stimulation, so they just can’t come (they’re not aroused enough to do so).

Other men may have deep-seated fears and anxieties around getting a woman pregnant.

Man sitting despondently on edge of bed

Fear may lead to all kinds of male sexual dysfunctions.

Some men may be frightened of women. At some deep psychological level, they may be unwilling to enter into an intimate relationship with a woman.

And I suppose the question that matters most for the majority of people who’ve come across delayed ejaculation is – what can you do about it?

Happily, you can do a lot about it. You can see a sex therapist and have counseling. You could restore your foreskin if the insensitivity of your glans is the cause of the problem. You can take Viagra to encourage longer-lasting intercourse which may lead to ejaculation.

If the cause of the difficulty is not having enough stimulation during intercourse, you could watch porn, use hard core fantasy, or you could increase the level of sexual stimulation in some way that particularly excites you.

Some of things that men have done to get more aroused: have threesomes, to engage in bisexual activities, to have prostate stimulation, or to have Tantric therapy. If you’re interested in Tantric therapy in London, it’s easily available. Other parts of the world have experts as well, but probably not quite so many. If you go to see a Tantric therapist, you’re very likely to get help with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation.

And, you really need to be discerning about the ethical standards and training of the person you’re seeing. This is because some so-called Tantric therapists are sex workers in disguise.

Delayed ejaculation and its effects on the relationship.

As you can imagine these can be profound long-lasting. Most sexual relationships depend on a degree of intimacy between partners, and without this the future of the relationship is questionable.

In addition, of course, the likelihood of having good sex is quite small too!

But really, if you’re a man in a relationship and you’re not able to ejaculate, you need to consider very carefully whether or not you want to be in that relationship.

You see, delayed ejaculation can be an outward expression of an internal state of mind. So sometimes a man not being able to ejaculate means his penis is speaking for him – telling him something he needs know about the relationship that he’s in!

(In case what I’m saying isn’t clear to you, what your penis might be saying to you in this situations is “You don’t really want to be in this relationship, and neither do I”.)

Of course what you do about delayed ejaculation is an entirely personal matter.

What I think I need to emphasize is that curing male sexual dysfunctions like this is probably easier than you think.

However working through it definitely depends on you having the motivation, the commitment, and the determination to overcome the problem and learn how to ejaculate during intercourse.

All of those factors are contingent upon you being able to honestly say that you want to be in the relationship you want to be with your partner.

I once counseled a man who told me in the most miserable way possible that his partner was going to have a baby in a few days time.

I thought it odd to meet such a joyous event with extreme despondency, but said nothing. Over the course of the next few sessions that we had together, the full story emerged. It transpired that he had delayed ejaculation, and even though this was a fairly clear sign something was amiss, his partner’s desire to have a child was so great that she had “forced” him to ejaculate into a jar, then taken the semen from him and inseminated herself.

She had fallen pregnant, and he now felt that he was in the worst possible situation he could imagine. It’s a cautionary tale, but an important one.

The moral of the story really is that you should always pay attention to the message that your penis is giving you if it’s refusing to ejaculate.

I’m not being flippant there, either. One way or another, your penis is going to tell you something quite revealing about the relationship in which you find yourself. Often the information is absolutely vital to your well-being and happiness. And don’t forget, it isn’t just about you – it’s about your partner as well.

Your Mind Is Powerful!

When you know how great the power of the mind can be, manifestation ceases to be a “miracle” and becomes something almost commonplace.

Yet of course there can never be anything commonplace about the miracle of manifestation – because it involves the Universal Power, the Cosmic Consciousness, the Universal Intelligence… Whatever you could call it.

One of questions that people frequently ask when they start manifesting reality is “How on earth can our minds connect with the cosmic consciousness?”

The answer to this is rather simpler than you might imagine – we are in fact all part of creation, we are all connected through our subconscious intelligence, and we are all part of the greater whole.

What this means in practice, therefore, is that connection is a natural state of being, and disconnection is an abnormal state of being.

When you take that principle into account, it becomes all too obvious that manifestation is actually a natural condition, and a state of poverty, lack, and deprivation, are the consequences of a human existence in which we have become disconnected from our spiritual origin.

But the same applies to any disorder or disconnection from what is inherently natural or good or normal. That includes illness, disorder, disharmony, and so on. So let me take a specific example – in a sexual relationship, many men experience premature ejaculation and women experience low sex drive. From a material perspective, these are not “natural” issues (no matter how hard the medical profession might seek to turn them ito medical conditions).

The reality is that when men and women return to a state of balance – i.e. spiritual harmony – they will experience the most natural and connected form of sex imaginable.  For one essential aspect of this which has been overlooked is joy and pleasure – happiness. Things do not move of their own accord. When men and woman meet in union, there is a natural way of being defined by the universe – men pleasure women, (click here for more on this) penetrate women in body and mind, open their hearts to women, and experience love. Women receive, open to penetration, feel “taken” and move into love.

Now, having said this, is not to imply that there’s any question of responsibility or blame applying to people whose relationship status (or anything else, for that matter) in life is not as desirable as it might be.

The truth of the matter is that moral responsibility in the human condition is all about removing oneself from lack into prosperity – which can only happen when one’s consciousness is sufficiently evolved to be able to see the possibility of doing so.

And what follows from this is that when one’s consciousness is elevated, or sufficiently “developed”, then manifestation is not just a matter of achieving material wealth and abundance, but achieving spiritual satisfaction, sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction, prosperity, and manifesting happiness in all  fields… And indeed, in the more spiritual and intangible aspects of human existence such as the thought patterns and conscious behaviour patterns which we exemplify in everyday life, control is not only possible, but also highly desirable.

You see, the truth of the matter is that for the human being, evolution towards higher spiritual plane is actually a matter of normal development rather than something abnormal. You could regard our current social status (undeveloped and primitive) as a distraction from the task of spiritual evolution we’ve all been given as part of our birthright.

So manifestation, and we have chosen to call the Law of Attraction, become something that is normal rather than unconventional, something that is actually to be expected as part of the human existence on this planet rather than something to be regarded as spiritual.

And for those who have already manifested reality to any degree, the process may never lose its awe-inspiring nature, but it certainly becomes more commonplace and natural, and leads to understanding,  perhaps, that essentially it’s our right – and indeed possibly our duty – as human beings to achieve whatever evolution we can while we are living on the material plane.

connection with spirit


It hardly needs to be said, therefore, that this control of mind, and connection with the spiritual aspect of our existence, can be applied to almost any area of our existence – including sexual relationships, the manifestation of abundance and prosperity, the changing of unhelpful and negative patterns such as premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation to more functional ones (so that sex becomes a joy rather than a burden), and indeed almost any other possibility that you can imagine.

So interestingly enough, to be able to manifest success in this way, all that is needed is an awareness of your own power. It’s interesting that few people actually connect with their own power sufficiently deeply to be able to manifest anything – yet that’s the key to successful manifestation, and the key indeed to overcoming problems like delayed ejaculation.

There are plenty of websites available which you can teach you everything you need to know about manifestation and the Law of Attraction, and if you’re interested in the subject it’s well worth finding out – not just because you can improve your material condition on the planet right now, but because you can also evolve to a much higher level of consciousness – and after all, why wouldn’t you wish to do that?!

How Better To Enjoy Your Sex Life

EVERY SOCIETY HAS ITS TABOO, its restrictions on individual behavior which may or may not be justified by scientific analysis.

Many young couples come to marriage with a set of prejudices and a body of misinformation that add another obstacle to the smooth development of physical love. They do not know what they can expect of each other’s body, and may have crippling notions of “modesty.”

In the last century many women refused to be seen nude by their husbands, even during intercourse. Some people today place restrictions on themselves which others would consider just as unreasonable.

Side by side with notions of what is “modest” go opinions on what is “natural.” Many people think that there is only one “normal” or “natural” position for intercourse, the “man on top” sex position.

And if the physical structures of the partners’ bodies or their genitals place them at a disadvantage in this position and prevent the fullest pleasure in sex activity, they may never even find out that they could do much better in other sexual positions.

Another restrictive idea is that touching the genital parts is somehow indecent and akin to masturbation in its moral and physical harmful effects. Until physicians and other authorities on sex began to speak out for the truth, it was widely accepted that “self-abuse” or masturbation, the manipulation of the sexual parts to obtain sexual excitement and release, caused all kinds of problems…..

It is true that, because of the pressure of social disapproval, masturbation often causes anxiety and guilt feelings. But masturbation has no harmful physical effects like hurting the brain or even impairing sexual capacity.

Western religions agree that any and every type of foreplay or sexual position is permissible and acceptable, regardless of foreplay and position. Other peoples, in different parts of the globe and in different periods of history, have developed attitudes and sexual lore with which we are just beginning to catch up.

We find in the ancient holy books of the Hindus, the Kama Sutra and the Ananga-Ranga, in Japanese and Greek and Roman classical literature, serious descriptions of pre-coital and coital techniques which puritans would call improper but which are based on a very “natural” objective – full satisfaction in sexual activity as an important part of happiness in marriage.

It should be made clear at this point that sexual expertise and delight are not a guarantee of a happy marriage. Nor, on the other hand, is a marriage doomed to failure if sexual pleasure is absent.

In addition to sex, a complete marriage requires a sufficient income to buy food and keep the family together (inadequate income is the major cause of broken families, according to social workers’ data), as well as common interests resulting from similar backgrounds and ideals. Poverty will and lack of a common objective in life can raise sexual tensions which will destroy the most compatible sex life.

And it must be admitted that some couples have achieved a reasonable and affectionate life together with little sexual activity or none at all.

Overcoming Premature Ejaculation

A premature ending to lovemaking because of the man’s inability to control his arousal is devastating to a woman. No surprise that one of the most popular searches on the web is for tips to control male arousal!

A quick climax to physical intimacy can deprive the woman of the fulfillment which is her reward from loving her partner. She will perhaps feel that her partner either does not take her needs into account or that he is selfish. And a man who reaches climax with no control often feels like he is a failure in bed.

None of this is helpful for the relationship, especially if the matter is not honestly discussed. However, the fear and shame associated with sexual problems is massively stressful, and the two partners often carry on with this important dysfunction continuing to erode trust and respect. If you recognize this, you may ask, what can you change? The good thing is – you can indeed change things!

First of all, you must speak about it openly: this means you tell your partner what you are feeling. Unfortunately, the fact is our research shows as few as ten percent of couples talk to each other about intimate problems. So, to help you discuss your thoughts, feelings and emotions around sex, we have some tips to help you:

1) Reveal your emotions – don’t use the tactic of avoiding responsibility by blaming your spouse. Having the ability to listen without judging means you’ll experience much less resistance – and your partner is probably going to be very much more willing and able to listen to what you want to say without judging you.

2) Don’t project your feelings – having the courage to accept that you are in this together is essential to eliminating mutual distrust. Only when you are able to accept that your lover’s actions and feelings are an honest reaction to the issues you face, and that they are entitled to think, feel and act as they do, will you begin to respect each other as you really are.

3) Don’t wallow in self-criticism. Doing something is more constructive. This may require getting the support of a therapist. Or it may mean something as simple as booking a time slot every day to speak to your partner about your worries.

4) If you have trouble opening up about difficulties with your love life consider the things you want to “bring to the table” beforehand. Preparing like this is essential in achieving the respect of your partner. It’s also helpful to know your limits in any talk about sex. That way you are be much more likely to avoid concessions you regret.

5) Be clear about why you are raising the issue. It’s often challenging to have full awareness of what’s behind our emotions, and it’s likely you might only fully realize the real issue as you talk about the issue. And, if you are clear what you would like to change, you are more likely to get it. The more genuinely you show yourself, the more honestly you talk about what’s going on for you, the closer you will feel as a couple.

Secondly, work as a couple on a proven self-help solution for treating male sexual problems. There are several to choose from on the web and a quick search will be enough to find one that is right for you and your partner. Here is the one I recommend. The essential characteristics you should to seek out are: honest references, a money-back guarantee, and a qualified author.

I have shown in more than ten years’ work men with sexual problems that self-help programs work just as well as face to face therapy for most men, if they are strongly ready to up their sexual game.

Techniques to Help You Get What You Want

Now although this is a website about premature ejaculation control, there are some things that need to be said that are not sex-specific!

And that’s really the area of goalsetting, goal achievement, and manifesting your greatest power in the world.

You see the truth of the matter is this: relatively few men (and for that matter relatively few women) ever are motivated to step fully into their power, and achieve the magnificence and greatness that they could achieve so easily if they were motivated to do so.

This was expressed beautifully by Marianne Williamson in her work A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

It’s absolutely true that every single one of us has potential to go far beyond the way we tend to live from day to day – subsumed in our petty fears, and the concerns that need to be dealt with to live a practical life in the real world around us.

Yet even those who have a certain level of evolved consciousness, and who live at the edges of their potential and power still live in the real world. These things are not incompatible.

What makes it possible for one person to live in this way and impossible for another remains an open question, but one of the things that seems to have some influence is the amount of personal therapy (type) work that an individual has done to heal the wounds from the past.

You see, it’s undoubtedly true that those wounds from the past are responsible for causing difficulty in living comfortably within one’s power in adult life. They cause neuroses.

These neuroses take energy from the being – they sap, in fact, the vital energy which would otherwise be sustaining an individual in their life in the world. Get it now – your personal power, I mean!

lawofattraction (16) lawofattraction (18)

When a person heals these emotional wounds by doing therapeutic work of a very deep kind on their unconscious emotional wounds, that energy is then available to be projected out into the world.

What that means, of course, is that the person can have a greater influence on the world around them – just as people like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Theresa have done.

Now although few of us would aspire to the dizzy heights of personal power and manifestation that those humans achieved in their earthly existence, it’s certainly true that every single one of us could do much more with our power and potential than we ever actually get around to.

How many people have goals for their lives? It’s a rhetorical question, because the answer is very few indeed. It is notable is that the 1% of people who write their goals down on paper are the 1% of the population who tend to succeed in everything they do.

When you think about that it’s an astonishing fact: they may have course have other resources available to them the average person doesn’t, and indeed it may be that those resources are the very reason for them writing their goals down in the first place… In other words, it’s not easy to separate cause-and-effect here. But what I think I can say with great clarity is that we all have much more potential than we manifest, and that that potential is available to us in much greater degree than we ever realize, if we are prepared to work at accessing it.

The significance of this point as far as premature ejaculation – or indeed sex in general – is concerned is this: that any personal objective which requires a certain amount of hard work and challenge is a problem or a challenge that can be dealt with using the principles of the Law of Attraction and the principles of Manifestation. That’s how you can change your current reality for a different one.

In other words, when you have a clear intention to control premature ejaculation, and when you have a clear set of techniques which will allow you to achieve this goal – those techniques will include dedicated focus, visualization, and mental discipline of one form or another – then you are very likely to be able to achieve this goal.

Now, think of the reward that you get from sex. And now imagine how much greater that reward could possibly be if you were not only able to control your ejaculation, but you were also able to give a woman an orgasm during intercourse, or indeed if you were able to experience the thrill and excitement of G spot orgasm and female ejaculation.

What I’m doing is just bringing to your attention the fact that there are techniques that you can use to improve the quality of your sex life enormously, and they go far beyond the cliched techniques of, say, premature ejaculation control such as the squeeze-technique and the stop-start technique.

Yet at the end of the day, improving your sex life in this way such a personal decision that almost nobody can encourage you to do it apart from you yourself. It’s a notable fact that most men with premature ejaculation don’t even respond to pleas from their partner to delay their ejaculation – so they’re not likely to do it without the internal motivation necessary to seek and achieve a better life.

Whether that better life is achieved by improving one’s relationship with oneself once relationship with the world one’s relationship with one’s partner, the truth of the matter is that gaining a fantastic sex life is always a matter of intention.

Manifesting Reality

For some quick and easy manifestation techniques, check this out!

One of the most interesting aspects of manifestation is the phrase one sometimes comes across used by authors of a spiritual disposition: that is to say, the “I am”.

When you think about it, this represents the most fundamental recognition that we are all part of the same universe – indeed, part of the divine creation.

And to take the analogy a bit further, part of the God that is within us all.

It follows, does it not, that if we are all part of the same whole – and I accept that that is an act of faith – then the process of manifestation is not surprising, but become something more like our divine right. Birthright, in fact.

Now Neale Donald Walsch has expressed another aspect of this truth which is what he calls the “you are”.

In the process of what Walsch calls personal creation rather than manifestation, the “you are” represents the differentiation of you as an individual from the undifferentiated form that is God.

So in other words what he is saying is that we are part of a whole much greater than ourselves, as well as separate individuals on the planet surface.

That is why people talk about every individual on this planet is being a manifestation of the divine in human form.

But of course from the point of view of manifestation, what it means is that each and everyone of us contain some of the unlimited universal energy that represents God.

Spiritual experts will tell us that in the world of the divine, or the universal consciousness, there is no such thing as time – nor, indeed, other things such as our concepts of good and evil. But leaving those aspects of manifestation aside for the moment, if there is no concept of time, it follows that anything that you can create in your imagination now exists both in the past, the present and the future – at least as seen from the perspective of the material world.

In other words, everything that you envisage is actually in existence already. Certainly it may not be in physical form, but rather in potential form – but the process of manifestation is bringing this reality into existence in the material world.

As Walsch puts it, the mechanism of manifestation is a process that begins with remembering who we really are! (Part of God.)

And of course it follows also that separation from God, the process of individuation, which is very necessary to live on this planet, means that we disconnect from our divine self and everything that we create.

By remembering the fact that we are part of God, that we have the possibility to create or co-create whatever we want in this life, we can reconnect with our divine aspect.

And as for the mechanism? Well, there’s nothing complicated about it – in fact it’s actually quite simple. Everything in life is energy – matter and energy are interchangeable at the atomic level.

We don’t need to know how our thoughts (which are a form of energy) can affect the manifestation of physical reality (which is also form of energy); all that’s necessary for successful manifestation is to have the faith we can do it.

From this point of view, any thought has the potential to create reality – which of course is one of the basic fundamental principles of the law of attraction.

Reality, of course, is only what you’re experiencing here and now, and it’s only real to the degree that you’re aware of it in your consciousness. Once again, we see the inevitable link between the mind and the manifestation process using the Law of creation – which we would prefer to call the Law of Attraction.

There are other implications to this: not least that thinking is actually the act of retrieving, a kind of reaching into a universal collective consciousness and retrieving data about the physical form of something that is yet to manifest in reality.

Naturally this explains why manifestation depends on visualization, meditation or relaxation – or all three. Connecting with the divine is only possible when we are in a state of profound relaxation, with our thoughts vibrating at the same frequency as the universal energy around us.

It won’t surprise you to learn that that is NOT the state of mind we are in when we are living our busy everyday lives!

So one of things that can really help people to manifest physical objects in the world around them is to experience the event of manifestation is an energy, as a feeling: because feeling is an energetic process which connects with the energy around us in the spiritual world. As Donald Walsch says, “feeling is the way we identify and magnify the energy we wish to experience more of, by resonating with it.”

What also follows from this course is the interesting possibility that you can use the process of manifestation to create a reality around your being as well as around your physical reality.

In other words, you can use the process of manifestation to manifest a better state of being – to change your health, to change the way your body operates, and to enjoy a more spiritual livelihood.

In the context of this website, what I think I need specifically to emphasize is the possibility of using manifestation to create a different way of being sexual.

We tend to think of premature ejaculation are something is beyond our physical control, and that somehow has to be physical solution to it. But if every state of being and every state of physical reality exists in the mind, as it does, then changing your expectations and visualizing a different outcome when you make love is very likely to change the way you actually operate in the physical world of lovemaking.

This is not a hard concept to grasp, but it’s certainly a different concept – it’s a different way of looking at the reality of our physical experience. By contrast, if you wanted to look at an energetic way of controlling premature ejaculation using at least some of the principles of manifestation and reality creation, you might care to look at this.

To put this into context, you need to realize that people have actually changed the state of their health completely using manifestation of visualization techniques such as the ones we’re talking about.

You can find an example of this on this rather interesting website, where there is a lot of information about the link between mind and body, and in particular the role of the mind in keeping us well.

Video – the power of the mind in manifesting health