Why so many problems?
So much has been said about male sexual dysfunction that it’s hard to believe there could be a single man left in the world with a sexual problem!
However, joking aside, we all know that sexual problems are very common. We also know that there’s nothing more devastating to man’s self-esteem. After all, imagine not being able to get erect during sex. Or, being with a beautiful woman, aroused and excited, ready for intercourse, and then ejaculating before a minute or two has gone by!
And then, think about the problem of men with delayed ejaculation who can’t come at all.
You know, it’s extraordinary really – the idea that a man could have sex and not be able to ejaculate.
But there you go, it’s a reality, and it happens all the time.
When I say all the time – let me be more precise. I mean it happens to about 1 man in 10 at any one time. So a lot of people are affected by this problem – men and their partners alike.
You may well be wondering what the cause of delayed ejaculation can be. Yes, this is a sexual dysfunction which seems so unusual.
In fact there can be many causes. Here are some of them.
- Degeneration of sensitive neurons because of diabetic neuropathy or ME or MS.
- Insensitivity of the penis due to a high and tight circumcision.
- Keratinisation of the glans due to circumcision.
- Harsh masturbation and traumatic masturbatory syndrome which renders the penis insensitive to stimulation.
- One of the more insidious and unexpected causes is that of prescription drugs (especially SSRIs) for conditions such as anxiety or depression.
Having said that there are many drugs, prescribed for other psychological conditions, which interfere with a man’s ability to ejaculate.
On and on it goes – there are many different causes for delayed ejaculation. And then, when you’ve got through all of those possible causes, there are the psychological factors.
Some men just don’t like the partner they’re with, and don’t find her sexually arousing or attractive.
Their defense against connecting with a disliked partner renders them insensitive to sexual stimulation, so they just can’t come (they’re not aroused enough to do so).
Other men may have deep-seated fears and anxieties around getting a woman pregnant.
Some men may be frightened of women. At some deep psychological level, they may be unwilling to enter into an intimate relationship with a woman.
And I suppose the question that matters most for the majority of people who’ve come across delayed ejaculation is – what can you do about it?
Happily, you can do a lot about it. You can see a sex therapist and have counseling. You could restore your foreskin if the insensitivity of your glans is the cause of the problem. You can take Viagra to encourage longer-lasting intercourse which may lead to ejaculation.
If the cause of the difficulty is not having enough stimulation during intercourse, you could watch porn, use hard core fantasy, or you could increase the level of sexual stimulation in some way that particularly excites you.
Some of things that men have done to get more aroused: have threesomes, to engage in bisexual activities, to have prostate stimulation, or to have Tantric therapy. If you’re interested in Tantric therapy in London, it’s easily available. Other parts of the world have experts as well, but probably not quite so many. If you go to see a Tantric therapist, you’re very likely to get help with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or delayed ejaculation.
And, you really need to be discerning about the ethical standards and training of the person you’re seeing. This is because some so-called Tantric therapists are sex workers in disguise.
Delayed ejaculation and its effects on the relationship.
As you can imagine these can be profound long-lasting. Most sexual relationships depend on a degree of intimacy between partners, and without this the future of the relationship is questionable.
In addition, of course, the likelihood of having good sex is quite small too!
But really, if you’re a man in a relationship and you’re not able to ejaculate, you need to consider very carefully whether or not you want to be in that relationship.
You see, delayed ejaculation can be an outward expression of an internal state of mind. So sometimes a man not being able to ejaculate means his penis is speaking for him – telling him something he needs know about the relationship that he’s in!
(In case what I’m saying isn’t clear to you, what your penis might be saying to you in this situations is “You don’t really want to be in this relationship, and neither do I”.)
Of course what you do about delayed ejaculation is an entirely personal matter.
What I think I need to emphasize is that curing male sexual dysfunctions like this is probably easier than you think.
However working through it definitely depends on you having the motivation, the commitment, and the determination to overcome the problem and learn how to ejaculate during intercourse.
All of those factors are contingent upon you being able to honestly say that you want to be in the relationship you want to be with your partner.
I once counseled a man who told me in the most miserable way possible that his partner was going to have a baby in a few days time.
I thought it odd to meet such a joyous event with extreme despondency, but said nothing. Over the course of the next few sessions that we had together, the full story emerged. It transpired that he had delayed ejaculation, and even though this was a fairly clear sign something was amiss, his partner’s desire to have a child was so great that she had “forced” him to ejaculate into a jar, then taken the semen from him and inseminated herself.
She had fallen pregnant, and he now felt that he was in the worst possible situation he could imagine. It’s a cautionary tale, but an important one.
The moral of the story really is that you should always pay attention to the message that your penis is giving you if it’s refusing to ejaculate.
I’m not being flippant there, either. One way or another, your penis is going to tell you something quite revealing about the relationship in which you find yourself. Often the information is absolutely vital to your well-being and happiness. And don’t forget, it isn’t just about you – it’s about your partner as well.